The Wild Wild Web — by Ian Stephen 2004

California country is the place to be I got a bale o hay in my suv
A corn cob cell phone at my ear And I live to sit around drinkin' Steam Anchor beer
And it's clear that I enjoy it
More than quite a lot
Why not?
I'm an Internet cowboy On the Wild Wild Web
Got a ranch down at palo alto
And a herd of cattle drinkin
From my swimming pool
On a hard drive from here to San Diego A lot of down time
And I can't wait to upload
Yeah oh my connection
It's DSL (damn sure that it's lousy)
I'm an Internet cowboy On the Wild Wild Web

Genius of the Lamp — Ian Stephen October 2004

She's a genius a bright spark Pickin up praise and glory O will o the wisp
What's the nature of this? Please tell us your story
Well I'll tell ya
It started many years ago
When I was just a child
Mother and father doted on me But I was extremely wild
I lived in world of fantasy
A multi layered cocoon
A dreamer I was in the waking hours But at night I bayed at the moon I was howling
Through lack of imagination I took up painting
My parents thought I was cute But I was a little shit
I went to school obeyed the laws And now you wouldn't compare me With anything at all
They say that crime don't pay
People loved my daubings
Although they made no sense
I confused then all by saying nothing lir was less brilliant than dense
You might say I'm a mental case In fact that is quite true
It helps with my mythology
But I really belong in a zoo I do

No Worries - Ian Stephen 2004

I got me a private guru
And his name it is easy to say I call upon his help
As I live from day to day
Now everything is really good And I've never been so happy With my spiritual guide and mentor Everything is no longer crappy
No worries no worries No worries
At all
No worries about getting blown up
Or being run over by a tram
For I am looking after your interests no worries I'll get you out of a jam
No worries about bubonic plague
Or being eaten alive by piranha fish
Mad cow will not concern you at all No Worries It will never cast a shadow on your dish
No worries no worries No worries
At all
No Worries about Betting on the Gee Gees No worries about being struck by a car
No worries about being stopped on a DUI On getting thrown out of a stinking bar
No Worries about being popular
No Worries about being well
And when you finally kick the bucket no worries You're not going to go to hell
No worries
No worries no worries
No worries At all
No Worries
Ok that's all, have a good one Come by for a Chat sometime
Oh yes! I like to be beside the sea No Worries I get a good tan
No worries no worries No worries
At all

Jesus Juice Ian Stephen 2004

I love to drink
Think about stuff
And you can call me a Philosopher I you want You can call me cab
You can call me an Idiot savant
I'm so nauseous
That I'm drinkin Jesus Juice
My town is dirty town
They drag you out and they pull you down Every single person in there is dumb And nobody wants to have any fun
We burned the school down
Cause it was wasted in our town
I'm so nauseous, I'm drinkin Jesus Juice
Watchin TV is like having Parts of your brain removed It s like being Hal in 2001 On Planet of the Apes
And they lobotomized you
I'm so nauseous, I'm drinkin Jesus Juice
Black clothes and spiked hair Blue rinse and brothel creepers Cigarettes and bad skin
I don't know what I'm sayin' Cause I'm insane
But I hope I don't get bird flu
I'm so nauseous, I'm drinkin Jesus Juice
Alright

Leaving UK Blues —Ian Stephen October 2004

I've got to get back to the old country
Livin' in England is depressing me
I long for the smell of the old gum tree
And the clatter of the trams down Swanston street
I left my place of birth to try
And make a career and I did fly
Across the ocean to Pommy Land
But unfortunately they did not understand Now I'm stuck in dreary seaside town
And the English weather is getting me down I get no tan I'll never go brown
And there's no way that I'm hanging around
I'm leaving on a giant plane
Down Under before I go insane Like a homing pigeon I belong
In a land where everything is wrong

They love me there and entertain
The feverish thoughts that flit through my brain My asinine celebrity
Will nourish and sustain me
So I just wait til I shoot through
It's the best thing that I can do
Like a dog escaping from the pound They'll never get me back in this town

Welcome to the New Fascism- Ian Stephen 2004

Hey you fuzzy headed fool
Suppose you think you're pretty cool Got your world music CD set
And a woolen hat that's made in Tibet
You drive a shitbox that drops tons of oil
All plastered with stickers protesting the war You might be Vegan you might be a Red You probably lie politically correctly in bed You think that white people are all dumb But you are comfortably numb
You're so compassionate that you stink Of Liberal philosophy plus the kitchen sink You think that this is an inferior race And you're trying to kill it you're so debase
You've every perversion under the sun And think the Third World is great
You are a bum
You're such a liar that you make my hair curl Why don't you go and live in the third world?
Third World
Welcome to the New Fascism
Welcome to the world where you can't think what You want to anymore

My Birthday Sucks..- Ian Stephen October 2004

I don't like my birthday, it's a pain in the neck Every year I get older and I look just like a wreck
Who invented time? They didn't have a clue
Cos if it didn't exist, then we would always be new If a year lasted ten, everyone would be young
But if clocks vanished completely, then we'd have some fun
We're stuck on a knife-edge of time
No forward or no back
A slowly moving train on an obsolescent track
Time does not represent me And my birthday stinks
But I might as well get it over with Hand me one of those drinks.

Norman Anderson's Corporate Sneaker Blues- Ian Stephen October 2004

I went to buy some shoes today
But I couldn't find any good ones
They were all made by 3rd World people Who live in shantytown slums
Why doesn't the government do something About big business greed?
Exploiting workers in foreign places
For something we don't need
I walked around to all the stores
And it just brought me down
Cuz all I wanted was a pair of plain sneakers Not white, or red, or brown
Why doesn't the government do something About big business greed?
Exploiting workers in foreign places
For something we don't need
When the day was done
I was no wiser, and I didn't have any shoes And someone over in the Philippines Had the corporate sneaker blues

It's Time to Take a Pill — Ian Stephen October 2004

They say that man is the Most destructive creature On the face of the earth
Raping the planet
And polluting the ground
And all the rich live to get, get to live In a gated compound
Let's go back to the good old days
When simple people harvested their crops
When orchards and fruit trees..
And I don't know what that fuckin says When orchards and fruit trees bore..whales?
Bore wholesome fruit, oh yeah!
III start again..
When orchards and fruit trees bore wholesome fruit And the place wasn't overrun by cops
Wish I could back and live on lemonade And sunlight and clean water
We got to fight for the common good A legacy for our sons and daughters
Rise up people and claim your right To a clean and pure land
Run the greed merchants of the soil That doesn't rhyme..
It's time to make a stand It's time to understand it's time to .. Mother Earth Mudder Earl
They say that man is the Most destructive creature On the face of the earth
Raping the planet
And polluting the ground And the rich get to live In a gated compound
Let's go back to the good old days When simple people harvested crops Where orchards and fruit trees
Bore wholesome fruit
And the place wasn't overrun by cops
Wish I could live on lemonade
And sunlight and clean water
We've got to fight for the common good A legacy for our sons and daughters
Raping the planet
Polluting the ground And the rich get to live In a gated compound
I said that already..
That's the trouble with these protest songs They're too frickin' wordy
Rise up people and claim your right To a clean and pure land..
Oh look it doesn't make sense
So shut the fuck up with this crap man Shut up
SHUT UP!

Peace Will Come (when you shut up) Ian Stephen October 2004

Someday soon people will stand
Peace will come when we demand
And end to wars and puffin' people down And the politicians sell us by the pound
Global economy and oppression of the poor
And we turn them away when they knock on our door The rich should pay for the people's welfare But they're in their SUV's and they just don't care No they don't care
The day will come when the people will move
Coz we know we're right and we don't have to prove That peace will come when people will stand Peace will come when we demand
And end to wars and putting people down
And the politicians sell us by the pound
Yeah Peace will come Yeah Peace will come Yeah Peace will come Yeah Peace will come Yeah Peace will come

Will You Be My Sex Slave?- Ian Stephen October 2004

Did I tell you that I love you baby? Did tell you that I love you true? I've got a crazy feeling
That it's gonna be me and you
You look so hot, in the clothes that you don't wear And when you're walkin' down the street
No wonder everybody stares
There's a certain look that you give me That makes me want you more
Just give me a couple of minutes And I'll be banging on your door
You are the sweetest thing that I have ever met
I'd like to put you in a cage And make you my pet
Tie you up with ribbons
And tickle you all night
Will you be my sex slave? I'll be your Dyno-mite Boom I'll be your Dyno-mite Boom
Will you be my sex slave? Will you be my sex slave?
Will you be my sex slave baby? We'll live in a cave

Oh Shit Thieves- by Ian Stephen 2004

In the heart of the biggest city around There's a big hole in the floor
I walked right along the side of it And man, I want to even the score
And I'm not afraid of killin freaks
Who don't belong on this plane
Those dirty, rotten, filthy creeps
Just make me want to torture and maim
I say give 'em no mercy Here's my number
I'll pull the trigger
Give me a gun
You rotten scum